Racist 5 year olds

Back in December, I ran out of time to share this story. So I will do so now, on my snowy weekend!

My class is segregated. It's been very difficult for me for figure out how to get my girls, specifically, to interact with students of another race. My caucasian girls and Asian girls interact, as they all tend to "count" as white. I think the problem stems from two issues.

1. Many of the black girls knew each other before coming to school, as they all live in the same project. (I even have cousins in my class, but then again, I've never heard the word cousin used so loosely, as I have this year. That one pair is legitimate, though.) Since they all came knowing each other, the white girls then formed their own bond, which they then had trouble letting others into.

2. I have no middle or upperclass black kids in my class this year. I only have middle and upperclass white kids, and black kids from the project. I think having middle class black kids would have helped to bridge that gap or the difference that they feel is between them.

I've been thinking and working on the problem, without much success. It escalated at indoor recess in December. Here's what happened. I watched as my white girls formed a circle and ran around singing and laughing, and then the black girls did the same, in their own space. From across the room, I could see an Asian girl, who is typically a ring leader, being left out of the "white circle." I stood back and watched, to see how the girls would work it out. Then, they started to open the circle to let her in. As they did, a little black girl running around the room grabbed their hands to join in the fun. They froze, stared at her, and one of the little white girls yelled, "NO! You can't play with us. Only people with white skin can play, and your's is brown."

Well, I snapped. I ran over them and got down on my knees next to the girl who said it and we had a stern talk. A very stern one. "You do not EVER tell someone that they cannot play with you," (which I've said 1000 times to them already) "for any reason!"

I went and spoke with my principal about the issue after school because I'll tell you what, I've been really lost about how to proceed and teach these girls about the value of others and the equality of everyone. The realization we came to is that the clash is more about socioeconomic status than it is about race, I just happen to have the problem of having no middle class black kids in my class. We realized that what my white girls feel on the inside is that, "all of them are different. They speak different than me. They play rougher than me. They get in trouble more than me. They say words that I don't know/like/understand." The problem is, as a five-year-old, all they can really identify as the difference is, "they look different than me." Hence, "kids with brown skin can't play with us."

It's been a struggle, but helped open my eyes to what is important to me. Even if your kids grow up, as I think they should, being exposed to differences, and poverty, and outside their comfort zone, exposing them isn't enough. It really has to be part of their lives and the lives of their parents, to accept and love differences. Just going to a school where they see kids who are "different" is a good start, but it needs to be a bigger part of their lives. Parents need to be seen loving kids who are different, serving people who are different, giving to people who are different, and interacting with friends who are different. It's a hard bridge to make, though, because society doesn't really encourage bridging of that gap. I just bought a book on Friday, The Price of Privilege, and I'm excited to get reading. I want to be sure that when I have children, my kids don't think that they are any more deserving of material things (toys, books, good education, house, etc.) or nonmaterial things (love, comfort, safety) than kids who are "different." Actually, what I really hope, is that they don't notice that certain kids are "different" at all, because they'll be so exposed to so many differences, that everyone will be different, which will therefore be the norm.

I understand that it's a hard goal, but I think it's a good one, as B and I start to talk about our family and how we want to go about making one (biological, adoption, fostering - hopefully all!). It's an important goal to me, as I work to show love to each of my All Stars, no matter of their differences. Even when one comes in dirty and reaking of urine each day. And another cannot yet be understood by adults or peers because of poor language skills. And several who have sensory needs and are learning to express feelings through means other than grabbing/ pinching/ punching those around. And another who is so gifted that his behavior and social skills suffer. And another who gets fixated on thoughts for weeks at a time, wanting to learn and know everything about it. And another who throws tantrums and whose main way of communicating is by repeating nouns I've said, but who knows that after he gets in trouble, he wants to see a "happy face" from his teacher. I will love all these kids, blind to their race or socioeconomic status or academic achievement, and hope that I teach the kids in my classroom and one day my own children, to do the same.